I had orientation for University of New Hampshire yesterday and today. It was interesting. If you've talked to me the past couple months, you know there was a long time where I did not want to go to university. I have a heart for the unreached, especially in SE Asia and that's where I wanted (and still want) to be. Since other people think it's not their 'job' to 'be' a 'missionary', then why couldn't I since I actually want to? Then God called me to honor some commitments and my parents. So I'm going to UNH. Then He spoke to my heart about loving the people at UNH and how I'm still called to bear Christ's image there too as well as providing in amazing ways and I knew UNH is where I'm supposed to be.
I registered for classes, met some new kids, stayed up really late, ate really good food. You could say it was fun.
Then there's this little guy we like to call the enemy. Pretty much from the time I woke up yesterday, all throughout the day, into the night, and then again today and even when I got home, this little sucker was planting lies in my head about how I won't fit in, how I won't be able to handle the course load, how I'll be a loner since I don't party, how I will fail my classes because I've lost all my intelligence being out of school for a year, how I'll never end up serving God and I'll get stuck in the meaningless gotoschool-getajob-getmarried-havekids-retire thing people call life. I kept entertaining thoughts like that. I kept letting it eat at me. I kept entertaining thoughts about why I was even going to UNH in the first place and going back to my defiant, ignorant state of I just don't want to go to university because I want to serve God overseas.
Then I read this blog post (you should check it out...) and I looked at the VOM website. I read the Laos description and briefly thought about how I miss it. Then I finished reading the blog post. About how their love for Christ is why they were willing to die to their own desires to serve Him. And that sucks. Well, it sucks a little. But what you gain is eternal reward. Even though my desires are to serve Him, just in a certain place, who am I to put limits on how God works? Who am I to put limits on who needs to know God's love and who He wants me to love in the name of Christ?
And that's where I'm at: I love Christ so much that I'm willing to die to my own desires to serve Him.
