One Year

I am amazed, absolutely in awe, completely blown away by the goodness of the God I serve right now.

I have no words.

My parents came to visit me at UNH this weekend and brought my YWAM 6 month letter with them.  They left about 15 minutes ago and I just opened it only to really realize the work Abba has been doing.  Last November I gave God my family as a burnt offering, a sacrifice, to give Him things that mean a lot.  Then I had the totally wrong mindset; I wanted to serve God in the ways I wanted to, not how He wanted me to.  He redirected my steps to university.  What a blessing to see them this weekend.  The skype conversations with them and also with my brother have been so encouraging and good.  It's wonderful to be in America because I can text them and especially my brother and send him pictures of the changing fall foliage (haha for being in Texas!).  It's been good.

So in opening up my 6 month letter I find that they sent with the pictures I used to represent giving up my family, and Papa pretty much slapped me in the face (in the lovely way that He does so well so often :] ) with this fact: He is restoring my family to me.  He is giving them back.  I wanted to give them up, go anywhere, do 'anything' for Him as long as it was what I wanted.  He knew what was best, He knew what I needed and He knew how to guide me in the right direction.

He always knows.
He is always good.
He is love.
There is nothing outside of the life He gives so freely.
Absolutely nothing.

He blows me away every time.

It's been a year since my DTS started.  I cannot imagine being able to grow more with my Father than I have this past year.  There was so much, good times, trials, adventures, crappy days, revelation, mental breakdowns, freedom and life found in Christ, wrestling, experiencing the Spirit move. So many good things.  Some things I wouldn't want to go through again, but those are the times where I learned the most and I'm so thankful for.

Papa is opening up my eyes to the revival in New England and it's big and it's good and it's SO ALIVE.  What a privilege it is to be able to serve Him here even though sometimes I get so bitter and angry that He's brought me here.  That's the thing I can never let go of: He brought me here.

He is so faithful.
He provides everything I need and more.
He is so good.

I'll know my name as it's called again

The beauty of grace is that we don't deserve it. At all. Ever. No way.

Sometimes I really feel like I lose sight of Jesus, of grace, of hope.  I get caught up in what's going on and what I'm doing and then all of a sudden I'm in bed going to sleep trying to remember if I even prayed during the day.  University has been what I've expected as well as the complete opposite of what I've expected.  The enemy has been trying to spring attacks on the regular and sometimes it takes me a while to realize it.

But you know what? Jesus is bigger than all of that.  His grace is bigger than all of it.  I am redeemed, bought with a price, and I have a hope worth living for and worth dying for.  I'm not trying to excuse my occasional poor or wimpy choices (no I'm not drinking or smoking or anything like that), but the thing is Jesus already took my place on the cross and has covered me with His blood.  I'm free.  I am no longer enslaved by sin or death or this world.  I am free and I have hope. Jesus is good and He will always be good.

Needless to say prayers are appreciated. UNH is taking some getting used to for various reasons, mostly spiritual.  I'm starting to see how God may be weaving some things together, but I know there's more.  I'm a part of something bigger than this world and that is the truth I want to walk in everyday.  I'm learning how to die to myself and pick up my cross everyday and trust Jesus to be enough for me.

Because He is enough.