This semester has been a roller coaster ride and a half. My heart sighs with an ache for the brokenness of this world and a weariness from constantly fighting that brokenness. My heart swells with the love I've come to know from my Father and with a hope that I can't help but see in each face I see every day. We have been created with a longing for eternal relationship with our Creator. People use anything they can get their hands on to satisfy this need, whether it's alcohol, drugs, sex, sports, clothes, friends, pills, music, whatever this world offers them. I remember trying out other ways to fulfill my life but seriously nothing worked. God was waiting so patiently for me to stop running to solutions that wear off, solutions that don't actually work. Then He slowly started drawing me back to Himself, showing me how He is the only thing, the only way. I'm surrounded by friends, people that are practically family, who are still floundering, looking for the one way out. It's not enough for me to solve their problem for them because they're a different person than I am. All I can do is love them and pray for them. God's the one that changes them, that fulfills them, not me. I'm another short-term solution, but Jesus, He's it. It's a joy to serve a God who is so full of grace and love and compassion, who doesn't give up, who never fails, never backs down, who's always faithful until the absolute end. It is a joy. My heart breaks because I know the futility of our worldly answers, but it's mended when I look to my Creator, my Redeemer. Keep my brothers and sisters at the University of New Hampshire in your prayers, that the Lord would continue the work He has started here, because He's doing some sweet as things!
Pappa J and I head to China is just over 6 weeks. I have no words to express the excitement that I have for being invited to serve the special needs children of Hidden Treasures Home. Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare to head out!
CLICK HERE to learn more about Hidden Treasures Home!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Calm in the storm
I was blessed with a time of a lot of understanding of what the Lord was doing in my life, through me and in me. I looked back on last semester at my struggles and prayers and saw how He worked and was still working them together for my good. I treasured these moments in my heart and really worked them out. I grew a lot and made new, stronger, bigger commitments to the Lord, laid down more parts of my life. It was so good.
Then I was thrown into action, everything at once, a ton of new things. Everything hit me and I was at the bottom of the biggest mountain that had absolutely no way up. I argued with God about what He was calling me to; everything was impossible, I wasn't qualified, I wasn't ready, I couldn't do it. I can't face the world on my own, I can't change people.
That's when my breath catches in my throat and I can't even complain without praising the God who sits on the throne. I can't. My worries and complaints would lead right into praise. I was still honest with God about not being cut out for what He's called me to, and He just sat and listened to me. When I finally closed my mouth, He reminded me, as He always does, that He already won. Yea, I don't have the strength or the words or anything to do anything, but He does and all I need to do is what He asks me to do. The awesome thing is, I don't do it alone; I can only do it through His strength which means He is here and there with me and I am never alone.
This morning I finally feel peace about everything; I don't feel like doubts are being thrown into my mind. The calm in the storm. I've seen what it's like to try without God. He's giving me a breather before we try again.
The Lord is so good and faithful. I cannot live my life for anything else, nothing has ever satisfied me and I've tried a few things. Then He drew me back and said 'let's try again together'.
Prayers for strength, perseverance, and discernment would be so appreciated.
Then I was thrown into action, everything at once, a ton of new things. Everything hit me and I was at the bottom of the biggest mountain that had absolutely no way up. I argued with God about what He was calling me to; everything was impossible, I wasn't qualified, I wasn't ready, I couldn't do it. I can't face the world on my own, I can't change people.
That's when my breath catches in my throat and I can't even complain without praising the God who sits on the throne. I can't. My worries and complaints would lead right into praise. I was still honest with God about not being cut out for what He's called me to, and He just sat and listened to me. When I finally closed my mouth, He reminded me, as He always does, that He already won. Yea, I don't have the strength or the words or anything to do anything, but He does and all I need to do is what He asks me to do. The awesome thing is, I don't do it alone; I can only do it through His strength which means He is here and there with me and I am never alone.
This morning I finally feel peace about everything; I don't feel like doubts are being thrown into my mind. The calm in the storm. I've seen what it's like to try without God. He's giving me a breather before we try again.
The Lord is so good and faithful. I cannot live my life for anything else, nothing has ever satisfied me and I've tried a few things. Then He drew me back and said 'let's try again together'.
Prayers for strength, perseverance, and discernment would be so appreciated.
You are just and fair God
Your grace has no end
You are God who sits on the throne
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