It's all the same sky

It's been an interesting week.  One of the things I've been struggling with most since being home is feeling restless and like I'm not doing anything. I've always had my life planned and had things to do between school and sports and music and work and then DTS and now... 2 1/2 months of being home after epic adventures. I've been working here and there, babysitting, going to church, visiting people, but nothing solid, nothing really set. I start working as the children's ministry intern at my church beginning of june, but that's another 2 weeks away. So needless to say, I've been feeling restless, and wrestling with God about what I'm doing right now and how I'm having an impact in His kingdom, because I feel like I haven't been and that's a problem for me. That's what my life is about, that's what following Jesus is about.

Yesterday, when I told a friend I was feeling restless she was like whhaaat? with all God's been doing? And that's when I laugh and I know that in my heart but sometimes it's hard to get it in my head. He's been pouring out finances for different things, whether it's more funds for DTS coming in or here, have another $10K a year for school no big deal.  God set up my job for me, shut doors on a couple and then plopped the right one right into my lap. I barely had to ask for it.  He's allowed me to travel to Texas to see Per, Pennsylvania so He could give me some sweet as revelation, and New York City to hang out with my uncle from Arizona. My Lord has been pouring out blessing after blessing, and this restless feeling keeps edging in.

Last night was the first fire pit of the season! It was awesome! Tonight I made another one, and cranked up my ipod headphones so I couldn't hear the noisy neighbors in the yard in back of us playing drinking games..... hahaha!  God just really spoke to my heart tonight.  He's been bringing things together.  He gave me this season of rest, downtime because I had a whirlwind of things going on during/after DTS and I'll have a whirlwind of new experiences this summer and then at university. This has been some chill time of just really pressing in and being with God, me and Him. It's been good! He gave me this picture tonight of He and I walking together, and I'm a little girl in this red dress and He's holding my hand as we're walking along. He said that He's taking me from the things I've conquered, the things I've learned, and we're walking to a new place, and that I'll be facing new things. For right now, I'm in between, just walking with God. It's awesome!

After the fire died down, I grabbed my bike and explored my town, went down streets I've never been down, rode in circles, listened to Mumford and Sons, looked at the sky.  I knew I wanted to end up at my elementary school to sit in the field and look at the sky, so I meandered on over there and turned my music off.  There's the big dipper clear in the sky, and God spoke to my heart that it's the same sky in Connecticut as in New Zealand, as in Laos, as in Thailand, as in Benin, as in Sweden as in California. It's the same stinkin' sky and God is the same God. He's so big and in control that He's got everything everywhere, and there isn't anywhere that He isn't.  He is here, He is there, He's over there, under there, in there, through there, any 'there' you can think of, He's there.

He blows my mind. Every time I think I've got a decent handle on who God who is He stuns me, absolutely stuns me. Not only will He speak to my heart about who He is, but He'll reveal it in about 10 different ways at the same time, through song lyrics, through an email from someone, through something that happens to a friend, through something random I read on the interwebs, whatever. He makes His point and He makes it over and over and over until it's just like wow, when are you ever not like this? Never because it's part of who You are. He's absolutely incredible.

I sat in the field and looked at the stars.  I remembered brushing my teeth under the same sky on the coffee farm on the Bolaven Plateau in Pakse, Laos where you could see every single star.  I told my Father how awesome He is.  I saw a shooting star and that was sweet. I prayed for some friends of mine that He put on my heart.  I sat and wondered about how blessed I am to have the Father that I have and thanked Him for how He cares for me and teaches me and how much patience He has with me.

That's what this 2 1/2 months home has been for.  God is ripping apart the little box I've put Him in yet again and saying no Anneli, I'm bigger than that!  He's not frustrated that I'm not out there changing the world (or at least what my small mind thinks changing the world looks like...), He's delighted that I'm honoring people and commitments and this is where I am and this is where He wants me and I'm looking to Him for what's next. That's all He asks. His ways are better than my ways, as often as I think I know best. I can't see what He sees.  The sweet thing is though that He can see everything, He is in control, and I can trust Him with my future, with my life, with my relationships, with my hopes and dreams and I know that if I just follow Him, it will be more than I could ever dream of asking for.

'Awake my soul, for you were made to meet your Maker.'