We cry holy, holy are You
Our hearts are burning, burning for You
We are Your burning ones
We are consumed by You
We set our lives apart
We are consumed by You
I’m still learning what it’s like to be burning for my Savior all the time. Everyone has those crazy church service or summer church camp or winter youth retreat moments where it’s like WHOA, God is real! And those moments feel great, but I want that desire, that burn, that feeling in my tummy that my God is real all the time. I think it’s possible. Being in constant communion with Papa, always recognizing His presence, always giving Him glory and praise and worship, always thanking and asking and blessing and pleading and praising and coming before Him, never being satisfied with how much I have but also being so grateful for how much of Him I have. One of my YWAM speakers said something along the lines of we have all of the Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit doesn’t have all of us. I want desperately for the Holy Spirit to have all of me. I want to always be in communion with Him.
I realized AGAIN today how much my Papa blesses me, gives me more than I could ask for, gives me better than I could ask for. I’ve been realizing the past couple days that I did make a promise to my parents that I would go to university. This is really hard for me to go along with because I’ve been changed by what I’ve been shown; a way of walking with Jesus in another place, another nation with other people. I know my call to make disciples, I know my call to go to the nations, I know my call because it’s everyone’s call. I don’t think anyone is called to just one thing, just one assignment, just one project. I don’t think anyone is called to just America, or just another country. I don’t want to go off on this tangent, but if other people aren’t going then there’s no point in me staying here when I could be out going! But I did make a promise. I have heard Papa say to let go and to stop trying to control my future and control my plans because He has rich as plans for me, and those are His words!
So I’ve been, daily, telling God that I’ll go to university and I won’t be all down and out about it. He can’t use me as well, He can’t work in me, He can’t move through me as well if I’m all down and out. New Hampshire is another mission field! There are people there whose hearts are being prepared, whose hearts are being softened, whose paths are being directed for a divine encounter with their heavenly Father and I want to be a part of that, I am privileged to be a part of that. So other than actually sending in my deposit, this is me laying me down and allowing Papa to bring me to university next year.
I did give Him a bit of an ultimatum, which in my typical human mind, kind of wasn’t sure if He’d come through on. I told God that I would go with a glad heart but that He needed to give me community. Not just a group like Campus Crusade, but a room mate. I asked Him to give me a christian room mate if He really wanted me to be at UNH. So after messaging back and forth with a couple girls, one who is looking for more people to smoke weed with and another who thought we could be potential roomies because we have similar secular music taste, I was asking Papa if I would be rooming with someone who would push me, who I would have to be an example to, who I would have to love when I really didn’t want to. I messaged a friend at UNH on the off chance he might know an incoming freshman christian girl.... and a couple days later he gave me a name. Cool! But then there’s asking her and praying that her faith is deep and that she won’t judge me. We’re going off of my facebook profile, where pictures of my shaved head are abundant. I told God, whatever, I’m messaging her and asking You to come through on this whether I end up rooming with her or someone else, I’m asking You to come through. Needless to say He did. She already had a christian roomie, but they’re willing to triple! Sweet as!
The funny thing is, I don’t realize God’s sense of humor until a couple days later. First I realized that I was hoping/praying for a roomie from either NH or CT so we could do things outside of school, whether it’s at her place in NH, or we’d both live in CT and could even travel back and forth together or something. Mallory lives about 30 minutes from UNH campus in NH and Gwen lives in Sherman, CT. I get both NH and CT!! Praise God! The best thing is, I didn’t even realize this until I was emailing a dear friend tonight and told him that God didn’t provide just one room mate, but He gave me two! My Father continues to blow my mind and just make me laugh at how much I see as just life happening and don’t even see His hand in it. He is in everything!!
I want to be heavenly-minded. I want to be seeing these things happen in my life and immediately see Papa’s hand and give Him praise and thanks. I want to be in constant communion, that every action will be with Him in mind and therefore have eternal value. He spoke something to my heart while I was in Laos, that anything done without His Love is absolutely meaningless. If you do something without the love of the Father, you may as well have not done it. If you feed the poor but don’t do it with Papa’s heart, don’t bother feeding them. If you care for children and adopt orphans from other countries but don’t do it with Papa’s heart, don’t bother because it means nothing, it does no good. Nothing in life has any meaning or point or value unless it is done with an eternal mindset, with Papa’s heart. If you have Papa’s heart, you can simply sit and be with people and that in itself will blossom and bear fruit because you allowed the Spirit to use you and move through you. Jesus tells His disciples in John 6 not to work for bread that spoils, but bread that will last for eternity. Your works mean absolutely nothing, but if you are working with the love of your Savior, it can move mountains and part oceans. It can heal the sick, make the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear. It can raise the dead. It can save a man whose life will be lost to an eternal hell and give Him hope in this world for the world to come. Jesus is the only thing worth living for. He is the only thing worth dying for and once you’ve allowed your old self to die, He will give you new life and ask you to follow Him and you will never be the same.
My Savior never fails to blow my mind and break my heart. I can only keep asking for Him to keep my heart and continue to show me more of His.
He is so good, always.
No comments:
Post a Comment